The Art of Relaxing in Therapy

Have you ever noticed how your best ideas come when you're in the shower, taking a walk, or just about to fall asleep? There's something about those relaxed states that allows your mind to make connections it can't make when you're trying too hard. Therapy works exactly the same way.

I've seen it countless times – the moment a client stops performing "good therapy patient" and just settles into being themselves, that's when breakthroughs happen. Some of my favorite sessions involve comfortable silences, laughter, tangents that seemed irrelevant but led to profound insights, or moments where someone says "I don't know why I'm even talking about this." Because our minds know what they need to process, even when our conscious thoughts can't connect the dots yet.

This is why I'm such a believer in a relaxed therapy style. When sessions feel like a conversation rather than an interrogation, when you can bring your whole self (including the parts that want to make jokes or talk about last night's game before diving into heavier topics), that's when the real work gets done. The therapeutic relationship thrives not on formality but on authenticity. So if you've been holding your breath in therapy, trying to say the "right things" – try exhaling. Get comfortable. Trust that the process works best when you bring your unfiltered self to it. The depth happens not despite the relaxation, but because of it.